I was an exceptionally poor sport as a child. Whenever I
played board games with my family and things didn’t go my way, I’d throw a fit.
These situations typically ended with me smacking everything off the board or
flipping it over entirely before being sent to my room to pout. A combination of
good parenting and time corrected this, but didn’t erase the fundamental
emotion. It wasn’t anger; I was just stubborn. And still am, much more so than
I let on. Most would agree that I project a generally mild personality, which
isn’t some sort of mask. It’s more of a deliberate mechanism I use to temper a
deeply rooted competitive spirit, one that can often be unsympathetically
aggressive.
But here’s the funny part.
My favorite board game by far was Candy Land, where players wind around a colorful track in a race to reach the Candy Castle. Literally the only requirement to play this game is the ability to identify colors. Along the track you pass by a number of Candy Land’s inhabitants, such as Grandma Nut or Lord Licorice, and some cards let you skip right to them. The best of them all was Queen Frostine. With her billowy blue dress and snowflake wand, she was a captivating and majestic figure.
But here’s the funny part.
My favorite board game by far was Candy Land, where players wind around a colorful track in a race to reach the Candy Castle. Literally the only requirement to play this game is the ability to identify colors. Along the track you pass by a number of Candy Land’s inhabitants, such as Grandma Nut or Lord Licorice, and some cards let you skip right to them. The best of them all was Queen Frostine. With her billowy blue dress and snowflake wand, she was a captivating and majestic figure.
 | |
| "Excuse me, but am I the only one around here who thinks those Candy Crush bastards ripped us off?" - Queen Frostine |
Nothing was more important to me than getting the Queen
Frostine card. Sometimes the difference between a flipped board and a
non-flipped board hinged on it.
For whatever reason, I became fixated on this female character. It got to the point where I had my grandmother stitch me a tiara and veil, and make me a wand. There are photos of me, when I was maybe five years old, running around outside with my uncle, veil flowing in the wind and wand waving proudly. I remember this happening. I also remember eventually getting bored of them, then moving on to whatever interested me next.
It’s remarkable how many implications can be drawn from a simple act. My mother told me much later that, at the time, she thought maybe this was indicating something. I was too young of course to understand why what I was doing wasn’t “normal,” it was simply fun to me. That fun just happened to translate into me pretending I was a magical frost queen who lived in a sugarcoated utopia.
We all perform our gender. It’s when we don’t adhere to the rules of gender performance that people actually take notice, and a multitude of assumptions are made. What we identify as masculine or feminine behaviors, preferences and attitudes reside at the apex of culture on high display, and are difficult to look away from. The focus is less on being, and more on doing.
For whatever reason, I became fixated on this female character. It got to the point where I had my grandmother stitch me a tiara and veil, and make me a wand. There are photos of me, when I was maybe five years old, running around outside with my uncle, veil flowing in the wind and wand waving proudly. I remember this happening. I also remember eventually getting bored of them, then moving on to whatever interested me next.
It’s remarkable how many implications can be drawn from a simple act. My mother told me much later that, at the time, she thought maybe this was indicating something. I was too young of course to understand why what I was doing wasn’t “normal,” it was simply fun to me. That fun just happened to translate into me pretending I was a magical frost queen who lived in a sugarcoated utopia.
We all perform our gender. It’s when we don’t adhere to the rules of gender performance that people actually take notice, and a multitude of assumptions are made. What we identify as masculine or feminine behaviors, preferences and attitudes reside at the apex of culture on high display, and are difficult to look away from. The focus is less on being, and more on doing.
 |
| "It appears we're at an impasse." |
So maybe acting on my stubborn, competitive side when I was
younger could just be another of case of “boys will be boys.” How does that
reconcile with impersonating a cartoon queen, beyond the fact that I was too
young to get it? A different example: If a woman is a feminist, then she will
tune her gender performance to deflect men, in light of her clearly anti-patriarchal
views. Either of these is a shortsighted assumption based on expectations
defined by culture. Girls can be just as competitive as boys. Feminism is a
complex structure of beliefs that contains more nuance than “Men suck,” i.e.,
just because a woman is a feminist, it doesn’t mean she finds men unattractive.
The point is basic – gender performance is a weak indicator of self, yet so observable that it receives more attention than it deserves. Individuals have to decide how much they want this to affect their lives, and it would be impossible to speculate what this means for each person. Or, you know, maybe you also frolicked around for a few days with a veil and wand like I did.
The point is basic – gender performance is a weak indicator of self, yet so observable that it receives more attention than it deserves. Individuals have to decide how much they want this to affect their lives, and it would be impossible to speculate what this means for each person. Or, you know, maybe you also frolicked around for a few days with a veil and wand like I did.
